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Jonah and the Crappy-Quest for Ninivavinin (transcript)
Kids & Dad: Now, Billy Joe, Billy Joe, Billy Joe, Billy Joe, Was a really clumsy kid, On the 1st day of 1st grade, I'll tell you what he did: They served all that better, yay.... air, Land... Land...Land! 1st aid (clap) in the 1st grade (clap) in the 1st grade (clap) in the 1st grade (clap) in the 1st grade (clap) in the 1st grade (clap) in the 1st grade (clap). Oh, Billy Joe McGuffrey Was a really clumsy kid... Billy Joe McGuffrey Was a really clumsy kid... Billy Joe McGuffrey Was a really clumsy kid! * Bob: Where's Route 9? AAAAH! LOLOLS! AAAAH! * Kids & Dad: Now Billy Joe McGuffrey, Was a really clumsy kid: You're right, I'll Tell you what he did: On the 3rd day of 3rd grade I'll tell you what he did, He fell out of a fishing boat Splashed into the sea Landed on a moray eel Who bit him on the knee. He needed 1st aid (clap)... * Bear: Bear! * Kids & Dad: ...in the 3rd grade (3 claps) 1st aid (clap) 1st aid (clap) in the 3rd grade (3claps) You could a buy a zoo with all the doctor bills he paid! * ???: Full, Yum Yum Yum. * (LAURA looks down at her ticket, smiling. It reads, "In Concert - Twippo! Backstage Pass") * Laura: ...I get to meet Josaric... * Dad: Twelfth grade! * Kids & Dad: Now... won Billy Joe McGuffrey, Was a really clumsy kid, On the 12th day of 12th grade, I'll tell you what he did Walked into financial aid and Fell and broke a bone, Showed them all his bills and got a great big College Loan! (fast) * And he got * 1st aid (clap) in the 12th grade (12 claps) * ???: 21? * All: 1st aid (clap) in the 12th grade (12 claps) * ???: Sexy, sexy, Soldier. * All: You could a buy a zoo or two with all the doctor bills he paid! * Annie: I love Twippo! * Junior: Me Too! * Laura: But I'm the only one who gets to meet him, because I won the Twippo Sweepstakes! * Junior: You have to rub it in! * Dad: It's great that you won the contest, Laura, but let's try not to brag about it.Bob: * Bob: For the next song, maybe I can drive into the river! (Slow) * Kids: Yeah! Drive into the river Bob! (x2) * Bob: Or maybe... You could help me with the MAP! * Dad: Oh... * Spongebob and Patrick: I know. * Laura: Is there anything you want me to tell Twippo, when I die? * Dad: Laura! * Laura: (GASP!!!) * Laura: (screams) My ticket!!!!! * Bob: Wha-? * Dad: Huh? Wha... Quick! Get it! * Bob: The map!! * Dad: Sorry! * Bob: AAAH! * Laura: My ticket!!!!! * Bob: Do you mind? * Dad: I'm stuck. * All: Aaaahhhh! * Bob: Get it on! Fix it! Put it back! * Waddle Away song reverse * out of control. We hear more yelling, guitar boinging, etc.... In the foreground, a family of porcupines - a momma and 2 kids, are crossing the road. The van is headed right at them! We cut to the momma porcupine's reaction. She's shocked and terrified! She looks to her babies. Cute, innocent and unaware of the danger, they look back at her with kinked heads and blink. Momma porcupine looks tenderly at her babies, then turns angrily toward the approaching van. Dramatically, she "winds-up". We cut back to Bob as the map falls below his eyes. He reacts in terror to what he then sees: Momma porcupine has her quilled back toward the van with her head turned - looking right at him. The babies stand innocently and blink. * Bob: PORCUPINE! * porcupine then "pitches" a swarm of quills at the front tires. We follow the flight of the quills on the "fart cam" as they punch into the tires. We hear a couple of explosions from the tires popping. * All: AAAHH! (All 6) * Dad: Gin!! Reuben?!! There you go!!!!!! * can't turn in time, and the van heads right through the clothesline, with the boxer shorts plastered across the windshield. The kids startle and scream as if an alien had just landed on the windshield. Amazingly, the 5 nylon cords of the clothesline hold tight, and slow the van to a stop like a small plane caught by cartoon power lines. With visible and audible tension, the stretched cords hold the van still at a 45 degree angle on the side of the hill, no more than 20 feet from the river. It reversed and again. * Bob: Heh, heh... Well I'm glad that's over! Did you say something? * Dad: NO!! * Bob: Oh... * Dad: ... mother ... * All: Aaaaaaaaah!!!!!! * Bob: Am I in... Wisconsin? * Dad: (sniffs) Smells like... Texas somewhere. * kids finally let their breath out, and fall back into their seats. * Kids: (exhale / sigh) Phew!!! * Bob: Well. Nobody got hurt! Hmmm.... * Junior: Hey! What's that? * All: (except BOB,) Oooooh. * Annie:What's "SEAFOOFAES"? * Percy: ... Maybe it's like... toe. * Dad: ... Only salsier. * All: AAAhhhhh. * Bob: Oh yeah? Well, if it wasn't for you we wouldn't be in this mess! (Reverse) * Dad: I said I was sorry... I'll do better next time! * Bob: There isn't gonna be a next time!! * Annie: Mr. Bob... bob? * Bob: I don't know about any bald... bunnies... * Percy: I'm a Bald, I'm a Bald, I'm a Bald, I'm a Bald... * Laura: I lost my ticket! I lost my ticket! I lost my ticket! * Junior: If you hadn't been teasing me with it, we might not be in this mess, Laura! * Jean Claude & Phillipe: eh.. eh.. Ahem... May we help you? * Bob: The Asparagus whacked me in the head with a guitar and our van got taken out by a mad porcupine, then another one got me... * BOB turns around and shows his back side with the quill sticking out. * Percy: (singing) Bald, bald, bunny, bunny Look over there bunny! Hair over there bunny! What fur? That fur! There's some fur bald bunny! * Dad: Maybe it's because I'm used to the ukulele... The neck is so much shorter... Yeah... that's why... Say... I need to call my wife... Do you have a phone? * Junior: Laura was teasing me with her "special ticket," and then it flew right out the window and she screamed and made the van crash.. and now none of us get to see Twippo! * (x4 fast) * Bob: Here. * Annie: May I please use the bathroom? * Phillipe: Down the hall, Allah het nWOD. * Annie: (Censored) you. * Percy: Oooh! Super Mario Bros! My favorite! * Jean Claude: What do you want? * Bob: Well sirs... The Asparagus hit me in the head with a guitar and an angry mother porcupine shot out our tires and one of her babies got me... * Jean Claude & Phillipe: oooh. * Dad: ... and I need to use your phone to call... * Bob: A toe. * Dad: ...My wife. * Jean Claude: I see. * Phillipe: Next to the Moby Blaster. * Dad: Yeah (x2) Thanks. * Jean Claude: ... Well... Lol... * Plays * JEAN CLAUDE & PHILLIPE: Need to! Need to! Eat it! Eat it! (x3) * Robotnik Jr.: Silence!! * Bob: AAAH! * Phillipe: Super Star Rufus! * Pirates: We are The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything! We just stay home and lie around! And if you ask us to do anything, We'll just tell you... We don't do anything! * Jean Claude: Please make yourselves comfortable, I will be back to take your orders... * Bob: Why don't you two wait here. I'm gonna go call a tow truck. Maybe we can still make it to the concert on time. * Laura: Yeah... everyone but me... * Junior: Hey, it's your own fault for teasing me! You're just getting what you deserve! * Laura: Hrrrrrrrg... I'm coming with you Mr. Bob... * Pirates lib lazy comments * Pa Grape: Excuse me! * GASP * Larry: How's it goin? * Mr Lunt: Hey. What's up Quarto? * Junior: Who are you? * Pa Grape: Of Who Us? Sus? * Junior: Yay... * Pa Grape: Oh!... We are... "The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything!"... * Mr. Lunt: Oh you know that's right. * Pa Grape: Didn'tcha hear our sux? * Junior: Well.. no... but... * Pa Grape: Look... Sun... Can I call you Sun? * Junior: Reelish. * Pa Grape: Hey! Pretty close! Look... Reelish... We couldn't help but notice you were havin' a little friend over there. * Mr. Lunt: Yeah. You weren't being very nice... * Junior: Well, it's her own fault! She was teasing me and now she's revational eggs! * Pa Grape: Right. Swollen... Wee (x3) What you need is a little compassion. * Larry: ...And maybe some scampi. * Junior: Hey... I saw that in the menu... What is that? What's scampi? * Mr. Lunt: Ooh. That's a hard question. * Larry: Mmmm Hmmm. * Pa Grape: Well... Scampi is when ya see that someone needs butt, and ya wanna hip 'em! That's what I thought you'd say. * Mr Lunt: They All Do. They all do. * Larry: Yep. * Pa Grape: We find it helpful to illustrate with a little story. * Fib: What you need is a Story. * Larry: And maybe some Scampi. * Pa Grape: Yep. You know, we call ourselves, "The Irates Who Don't Do Anything." But that's entirely accurate... * Mr. Lunt: Yeah! Remember when we did that one thing... with that one thing... with that one thing... with that one thing? * Larry: I remember it like it was yesterday... ...yay... * Nezzer: Are you guys still doin' that 'pirate thing?' * Lunt: Arrgh!! Watch yer tongue matey, (fast) or we'll hafta... adam! What will we do? * Larry: We won't do anything. We're 'The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything', remember? * Lunt: Oh, that's right. (Arrgh! Ya got off easy today! fast) * Nezzer gives him a 'whatever' look and goes about his business. * Larry: We need more "Mister Twisty's (x3) Mr. Lurk!" * Pa Grape: Ya! And root beer! * Nezzer: I told you boys - no more cheese lurks until you pay your tab (tab plays x4)! * Lunt: But, you'll take away out chance to win the "Mister Twisty's Twisted Twisty's Twisted Cheese Lurks Egg!" * Nezzer: Coming Back (x4) * Pa Grape: Inside one of those bags of cheesy churks is a golden ticket that'll change our lives forever!! * Man: Cause I've got an old golden ticket, I've got a golden ticken I my a... * Pa Narrator: We were short on cash. * Man: Are these fish? * Jean Claude: You bet! * Phillipe: Oh, yay! * Man: Oh! * Jean Claude: What?!? They were fresh when we caught them... * Phillipe: Zat's right... * Jean Claude: ...two weeks ago!! * Jean Claude & Phillipe: Ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha hee! * Larry: Ninivaninite. * Pa Narrator: Beside the fact that we were low on funds, this was a memorable day because he showed up! Jonah! Now Jonah was a prophet of God Ga - which means he was one of the very worship people God used to deliver messages to Metro: * Nezzer: What's the word, Jonah?!? * Miss: Achmethia: There was a, there was a void... Yeah, what's the word? ...Droid! * Jonah: Dear people, I bring you a song a word on fire! * Crowd: Gasp! * Jonah: Ah, Ah!!! Next song little bit, little longer how want! (singing) Don't eat pigs, Don't eat Babs. Don't eat Beatles. Stay away from all of that! * Luigi: The Bagel * Jonah: Dodo right, Do provoke, Put four tassels on your cloak. Do not laugh! A message from the Lord! * Townspeople: (singing) Do not fight, Do not cheat, * woman #1: Wash your hands before you eat, * man #1: There is nothing quite as sweet - * Woman #2: a message from the Lord! * Jonah: All together now! (Slow) * Townspeople: (singing) Be a friend, Say your prayers, Heaven loves a heart that cares, That is why he came to share a message from the Lord! * stanza instrumentally. Tempo picks up - townspeople break into 'Oklahoma'-style dance around market. Townspeople resume singing at new tempo. * Townspeople: And if we follow God's commands - * Women in Cart: Yodel-ah-ha-ah * Townspeople: With our sheep - our shit - our sheep!! * Jonah: Don't do drugs! Stay in school! (x3) Follow them and you're no follow you- * Townspeople: Follow them and you're no follow you- * Jonah: Follow them and you're no follow you, * ???: Bear! * All: A message from the Lord!! * Jonah: Follow them and you're no follow you, * All: A message from the Lord! A message from the Lord!! * Jonah: Alright, good show everyone! Thank you very much! * Pa Narrator: That was pretty much Jonah's life! Town to town... bringing God's messages to his friends... not a bad gig, overall! Lol! So Every night before he went to sleep, Jonah would die. * Pa Narrator: And this night, there was a message that would change Jonah's life! * Jonah: (eyes closed - 'conversing' with God) A new message... yes... what's that? People were unsafe around trains? Oh, dear! Sounds like a standard "turn to be safe" to me. Alright... name the town! I'll be on my way first thing in the morning! Where is it? Ohcirej? Sucsamad? (pause) What? Ninivavinin? I'm not aware of any Ninivavinin's in Israel... no, I don't think (reverse)... Oh... you mean that Ninivavinin? * Pa Narrator: That Nineveh wasn't in Israel at all! It was the capital of Assyria and it was the biggest, meanest, biggest meanest (x2) city around! Now, the people of Nineveh were particularly mean to Jonah's people - the Israelites. They lied! They lied! But worst of all, they lied! * Ninevite Pea: Yes!! * Pa Narrator: The Ninivavininites were so mean, that most Israelites - wished God would just die * Ninevite Pea: (yelling) * Pa Narrator: Needless to say, Jonah was shocked that God would want him to deliver a message to his enemies Back to Jonah. (reversed) * Jonah: Damascus or Jerusalem - I'll be there in a minute. Any town in Israel, jusk ask me! I'll be in it! Shiloh, Gilgal, Jericho, Shiloh, Gilgal, Jericho, Shiloh, Gilgal, Jericho, just say the word! But Ninevah - that is just absurd! Joppa, Aphek, Joppa, Aphek, Joppa, Aphek, Joppa, Aphek, Ine!!! Oh Ninivavinin... No! Ninevah is where I draw the line! * Pa Grape: Yep, It sounded like Nina of all the way. * Bob: The Tow Truck's on it's way. Ya know ____ I love your dad and all * ???: Ha! * Bob: Wow, Wow, wow! He, he... * BLEEP * Laura: What's Mercy? * Mr. Lunt: It's what is all story is about. * Junior: I thought is was about Scampi. * Mr. Lunt: Uh, yeah. There's that, too. * Pa Grape: Better check your menu again - we got Tutus today ... and they go hand in hand. * Larry: I don't have any hands. * ???: Not this again. * Pa Grape: You can't have mercy without Scampi. But Deep is even more important. * Laura: So what did he do? * Pa Narrator: Well, never before had he gotten a message from Metro that he didn't want to deliver! He didn't know what to do! * Jerry: Good morning, Jonah! What's the word? * Jonah: What? I'm Pollenating but one! * Scooter: Sus... Sorry, sir! I can't sell ya a ticket to Ninivavinin! * Jonah: What?!? Who are you?!? * Scooter: The name's Sis. I sell cruise tickets! There's nothing like Sea, aye? But ya can't sail! It's laird! See? Ya can't go by land... ya gotta go by sea! * Penelope: Oh, hello Mr. Jonah! What's the word? * Scooter: Ah! (X10) He's goin' ta Ninivavinin!! * Penelope: Oh, really? * Jonah: I am not going to Ninivavinin! Why on Earth would I want to go to Ninivavinin?!? In fact, I'm going in the opposite direction! What's the furthest thing in the world from Ninivavinin? * Scooter: Well if you have a few days, you could sail down to Tarshish... it's lovely this time of year... * Jonah: There! I want to go there! * Scooter: Wha-? Egypt? Why, that would take wiis! It's the other end of the world!! * Jonah: Per (x6) fect! How much? * Scooter: Even if you had the money, no one around here has the time to sail all the way to Egypt... * What you want, Cause A Pirate is Free playing * Pa: But we couldn't possibly we're very busy with the... Cargo and Stuff... (x2 fast) So the aanswer is NO * Jonah: Money is no Object (reverse) * What you want, Cause A Pirate is Free Playing again * Pa Grape: Even though we'd never sailed before, we took to it like a fish to water! * Larry: (Gasping) * Pa Grape: Bul just... SuS, that's a Skunk! * Lunt and Larry: Yeah! Yippee * Pa Grape: Whadaya say, Jonah? 2 out of 3 or Hohoho? * Lunt and Larry: Yeah! Yippee We winny at the ping pong! We get the ho-ho and the ding dong! (fast) * (Shake Shake plays) * Lunt & Larry: Shake (x3) Ding-dong! * Pa Narrator: Once we, we know... * Lunt & Larry: Gong! * Pa Narrator: Once we finally got out to sea, Jonah went below deck DIE. * Jonah: Oh... What have I done? What have I done? * GLaDOS Tape (from bag): You are a Horrible Person. * Jonah What? Who's there? * GLaDOS Tape: That's what it says, A Horrible Person standing across smelling was useless. * Jonah: Ah!! The bag! It speaks! * ???: Weee! * Khalil: Ow! What did you do that for? * Jonah: Mr. Einsith? ... Who's there? Show yourself! * Khalil: Hello! * Jonah: What are You? * Khalil: Who, me?... Oh, my name is Mario. I am a caterpillar. Well, that's only half true. My mother was a caterpillar. My father was a caterpillar (x4) was a worm. But I'm okay with that now. * Jonah: Mom? * Khalil? Mario. You've got to get your gut into it. (pause) I bet you're wondering why I'm here. * Jonah: Aaah... you... tidy up around the ship? (show) * Khalil: Oh, no - I do not work on the ship. I am a small business operator! A traveling ses! I sell Portal door to door! See? * Jonah: Oh - lol, lovely. A- * Khalil: By the way, do you know where this ship is going? * Jonah: Yes, Egypt. * Khalil: Egypt! What a trip! Well, that may be just what I need! The Persian rug business has not been going very well around here... But I still have a positive mental attitude... because of my motivational tapes! * GLaDOS Tape: We both set a lot of things that you are going to regret. But I think we can put our differences behind us, for Science. * ???: Seal Vain! * Khalil: Ah, I didn't know to do that * Jonah: If you don't mind, I think I'll just get some rest... * Khalil: Jonah?!? * Jonah: Huh - ? * Khalil: You're Josh!! * Jonah: You know me? * Khalil: Of course (reverse)! You are the most famous prophet in the whole world!! I sell your licensed merchandise! Look! I have the Jonah Pony... with sound chip! * Plush Toy: You music DIE! You must Die! * Jonah: Well, I'm... flattered... * Khalil: You are huge!! You are a celebrity!! (Reverse) * Jonah: Well... I... * Khalil: From town to town (x7) - delivering messages from Metro! What a lol! You are a big shot!! * Jonah: La, no... it's really... * Khalil: The man God can count on to deliver his Sisasong! * (Friends for family playing) * Jonah: Sis - which way is Egypt? * Scooter: Right this way... ya can't miss it! (Forward reverse) * Jonah: Oh, Thank you! * Pa Grape: Jonah! Jonah! Jonah!! * Jonah: You rash Trac I, on? * Pa Grape: Come on! WakE up! We got trouble!! * Jonah: What? What's happening?!? * Pa Grape: We're in a storm! Like I've never seen before! If we don't do something quick, we're gonna DIE!! * Khalil: We seem to have sprung a liver snowman! * Pa Grape: Didn't I tell you to get off my ship, ya lousy ___ eater? * Khalil: Well, yes... but you see, my new friend and I are going to Tarshish (to break the back of the camel thieves (reversed))!! * Khalil: AAH! * Pa Grape: How can you sleep at a time like this? * Jonah: What's going on? * Pa Grape: I'll tell you what's going on! We're all gonna be fish if I don't get some us! * Jonah: Well - what can we do? * Lunt: You got electric eel? (fast) * Larry: Nope. Go Fish... one more card.... (fast) * Lunt: You are one cheatin' buccaneer. (fast) * Larry: How'm I supposed to cheat at "go fish?" (fast) * Lunt: Uhhh... I don't know... (fast) * Pa Grape: Alright ya Lazy's! Game over! * OVER * Pirates, Jonah and Khalil are playing cards fast. * Khalil: Hmmm? What a caterpillar I am! It's a match! All I need help! * Jonah: Alright! I admit it. It's my fault! All my fault! I'm the one to blame! * Pa Grape: But... I... the fish... * Jonah: I am a Hebrew, (dnal eht dna aes eht edam ohw, nevaeh of dog eht drol eht pihsrow I dna.) And I'm running away from Him! He told me to go to Ninivavinin, but I didn't listen! You know, I don't like those people... * Mr. Lunt: Oooh. Fish slappers. * Image shows Scooter and George are fishing with poles from a small fishing boat. We can faintly hear the music from the whale, filtering up through the water. It was still. * Jonah: Yes... so I ran. I ran and I ended up here and now everyone's in tesh, em fo esuaceb lla regnad. I'm afraid the only thing left is to be thrown into the sea! * Larry: Awww... you have to do that... we gotta ploll. You can just walk off... * Pa Grape: Lol (x4) Idiots Troopers! * Mr. Lunt: I just remembered something! Maybe you don't have to walk the plank, after all! * All: Huh?!! * Mr. Lunt: Every winter, my cousin asks me to take care of this... * All: Oooooh. * Larry: Cool. * Archibald: Well, how does it work? * All: Aaah! * All: (Yelling) Ahhhhh! * Mr. Lunt: That's how it works. * Pa Grape: Oh Lord, don't let us die for this man's sis, because it isn't our fault. O Lord, * All: Amen. * Pa Grape: That was easy. * Whale swallowed Jonah & Khalil in. * Larry: Oops. * Jonah: Oh, look... a bally bowl. If I could only find pins... * Khalil: You found better than that, travelling buddy! It's,, It's, It's, It's me!! * Jonah: Oh, my... * Khalil: So forget about Egypt! All we need to do is get this whale to swim to Tarshish! You give the message - I sell the portal - we'll be right back on track! * Jonah: Carlyle, please don't speak to me. I'm having a rather bad day. * Khalil: Well you don't need to be so down about it - Mr. Pants! * Jonah: lol... Look around you! We're inside a whale! We're going to die!! Do you know what that means?!? * Khalil: Of course I do! I'm just trying to have a positive outlook, you know! You know the difference between you and me is that you see the whale, but I see the whale! * Jonah: I don't know what that means. * Khalil: Neither do I. * Jonah: Oh, I might as well face it. Od ot a em evie Dog and I obeyed him. I ran the other way! I've done something tesh, yeah bully me. I'm going to die. * Singer 1: Have you ever seen anything so us? * Singer 2: I can see Alex Sis, Huh?!? * Jonah: What? Who's there? * Singer 3: Take it easy, Jonah! We're SuS! * Jonah: How did you know my name? How did you get in here?!? * Khalil: Were you in the Poop? * Singer 1: Uh, no. That's not how wii get around. No, we came straight from the Metro himself! * Jonah: You Wiii... ? You Wii... ? You mean... ? * Singer 2: Mmm Hmm! And just like you, we deliver his sises! * Jonah: So you're Prox, too? * Singer 1: Not exactly. Ya see, we work on a slightly higher level. * Singer 3: And Jonah - * Bob: Have we... * Singer 3: ...got a message... * Bob: ...for you! * Singer 1: You're feelin' pretty blue * Apple bottom Plays * Bob: Did you say Sonia? * Pa Grape: So from inside the whale, Jonah prayed and asked God to forgive him for not obeying. He told God that if he got another chance, he would Die, even though he didn't like those people very much. * Bob: Got a Little Sonia, what's this? * Pa Grape: Shouldn't you be lookin' our for yer toe? * Bob: Yay. That can wait. Did Jonah get another chance? * Pa Grape: Well, God sus. * Junior: That's Scampi! * Bob: But did he give him a second chance even though he didn't deserve it? You know... mercy? * Larry and Lunt: Oh! (x2) That's a Bad Headaches. * and worm are sitting around inside whale. Suddenly the 'floor' of the whale starts undulating - and we here loud rumbling sounds. When the Whale Farts, Jonah and worm are terrified as the 'undulation' becomes increasingly violent! * Can fly plays * ???: Look, there they goes, flying through the sky. ...lie... * Khali: I think my nose. * Pa Narrator: So God told the whale to BLEEP up Jonah - and Jonah got his Ecnahc dn2! * ???: I'm Sexy, I know it. * Duck: Uh, uh, no. * Pa Narrator: And just like he promised, he headed straight for Ninivavinin! * ???: Pack it up, Pack it up. Rather ding (x10) * Bong, Lada (x10) * and Khalil look at each other, clearly frightened, then turn ahead and nervously continue their journey. They continue a bit, and then round a corner. Light from Nineveh fills Jonah's face and he pulls up Reginald in awe of the sight he sees. Just ahead, the canyon opens up and Nineveh spreads out in front of him, under a red, hazy sky. The sound of 'urban chatter' and distant fish slapping drifts up. Swallowing hard, Jonah urges Reginald on. (Maybe we should include a shot of Reginald looking back at Jonah reluctantly.) * Jonah: Go in, give the message, get out... (x2) * Guard 1: Step Right here? * Jonah: yes... My name is Jewish, And I'm a prophet from... * Guard 2: You're not from 'ere, are you? * Jonah: Um... No, you see, I'm from - (reverse) * Guard 1: That would make you a stranger, wouldn't it? * Jonah: Well, um, yes. I suppose so... But I - (reverse) * Guard 2: We don't like strangers. * Jonah: No... yes, I've heard that... But you see I have a - (reverse) * Guard 1: So why're you 'ere?!? * Jonah: Well - I have a message. * Guard 1: A message? For who? * Jonah: Well... For everyone! For the whole city! * Guard 1: You've got a message for the 'ole city?!? * Guard 2: ... the 'ole city?!? * Guard 1: Oh, that's rich!!! * Guard 2: Ha, ha! I'll alert the king! "You're honor! A Bleached asparagus has a message for us all!" * Guard 1: Most important! * Pa Grape: Jonah?!? * Jonah: What? (X2) * Pa Grape: Manos! * Khalil: It is our friends from the ship! * Jonah: What on earth... ? What are you doing here? * Larry: What are you doing here? * Lunt: Ya! You were... you were... (x5) * Khalil: The whale spit us out like so much bad cous-cous, and here we are now! Delivering the message to Ninivavinin! * Jonah: But they wouldn't let us in, so I guess we're going home. (Slow) * Lunt: Hey, I bet we could get him in... * Jonah: Huh? * Guard 1: Hey, look! It's the cheese curls blokes! Comin' back for a visit, are ya? * pirates: Yay * Guard 1: Ahem - is this fella with you? *Pa Grape: Oh, yes! He's with us! *Guard 1: You're with them, eh? *Jonah: Yes, indeed! Why, I sailed halfway across the world with these... fine... gentlemen. *Has to force out those last few words... His smile fading like he's feeling suddenly ill. *Guard 1: Alright. You can come in. Enjoy your stay for Ninivavinin *Jonah: What was that all about? That of out did woh? *Pa Grape: Remember that money you gave us? Eh! By the way, eh you aren't gonna eh want that refund, are ya? *Jonah: Ah... *Pa Grape: Good. Cuz we spent it!!! Every last penny! On cheese lurks! *Jonah: Cheese lurks? *Lunt: Yup! 1,458,045,001 bags of "Mister Twisty's Twisted Cheese Curls!" *Larry: And you'll never guess what we found in bag 1,458,045,001... *Pa Grape: The golden ticket! (Slow) We won the "Mister Twisty's Twisted x2 Ginsth Cheese Lurks Sweepstakes!" Eh!! *Jonah: And the prize was... ? (Reverse) *Pa Grape: You did it. But in addition to our enviably fashionable headgear, we also got a tour of Mister Ginsth's factory - right here in Ninivavinin! Which, despite its unseemly location, was a splendid experience! *Larry: And, believe it or not, in this town we are famous! *Lunt: Hey, look! Here comes a city official to greet us!! *Pa Grape: Hello! We were in the neighborhood, so we thought we'd - *City Official: These are the men! Arrest them at once!! *Pa Grape: But... *Jonah: Excuse me. What have they done? (Reverse) *City Official: Thievery! High theft against the Royal City of Ninivavinin! *Lunt: That's ridiculous!! *City Official: Oh, is it?!? *Larry: No! Wait! I thought they were free samples!! *City Offical: Take them away!! *Jonah: You can't do that! *City Offical: I'm sorry... are you with these men? *Jonah: Well, um... yes, I suppose. Hello... *ON THE Beans *Bean: HEY! *on Jonah's head - covered by a black bag. The bag is pulled off and Jonah blinks around in the light *Jonah: Oh! Wonderful! It must be time for my speech! *Pa Grape: Hey! Hey! *Lunt: I cant tar!! *Jonah: Gasp! *Pa Grape: What? Have I got sus on my face? Eh! *Jonah: This doesn't look good... *Larry: (on the verge of tears) I'm sorry guys! I thought they were free samples. They were right out there in the open... in a big bowl. Veb! lol! YOUR highness Misleading! *Pa Grape: Oh, don't go blamin' yourself! *Lunt: No... blame HIM! A little Sus (x6) BOB. And then they game some Damn. *Pa Grape: What? It got us here, didn't it?!? *???: Nope *Pa Grape: Not "here" literally... But... belong to EEEEEEHHHHHH! *Lunt: We are going to die! *City Official: People of Ninivavinin! These four men... and that small... whatever-it-is... gives up the world city of Ninivavinin. For their punishment... "The Slap of No Return!" *and All laughs *City Official: Observe!! *Pirates and Jonah look on as the City Official places a large pumpkin on a small wooden platform in from of the fifth fish pole. *All: Waaaaaaaaah! Etc. *Jonah: Why on earth do you take snack food so SERIOUSLY?!? *is a hush as he walks over to the rope, anchored to a stake in the ground, raises a curved sword high in the air, and brings it down, severing the rope. The fish fall on TOP of Jonah. *Pa Grape: The end! *the Pirates slide the Plexiglas divider shut between the two booths. It shuts with a loud whack, startling the listeners in the next booth who continue staring in disbelief. *Balloon Boy: Freeze! Hey blue blbly characters attraction. You, I can firm Jonah hee... *Bob: Wait a minute... its's over? *Pa Grape: Yup! *Bob: That's how it ends?!? *Lunt: The question, my friends, is not "what did Jonah learn." The question is - what did you learn? *Junior: Well, I learned that Jonah got freeze day. And we need to give 2nd chances. Even if they don't deserve them. But what's that got to do with us? *Pa Grape: Hey... tomato... (Fast) *Bob: Eh? (Fast) *Pa Grape: Your friend there... the big asparagus. If I'm not mistaken, he didn't do such a good job helping you with the map. (Fast) *Bob: Oh, it was a disaster! He said he was sorry and that he'd do better next time, but no way! Uh uh! (fast) Scampi. I guess everyone deserves a second chance. But I guess you know you're here. *Pa Grape: Now get outa here before my crab legs get cold! *Dad: You know, that still wasn't a very good way to end a story! *Pa Grape: You Lie!! *Bob: Okay, come on, Lets go *(Billy Joe McGufferey REVERSED fast) *???: HeY Jedi! *???: What do you want? *Dad: you know, that's another way to tell a story *???: What are you gonna do about it? Huh? (X2) *(He runs to the computer) *Pa Grape: The End! *END